Nutty Blondie Bars

So, I’ve been back in LA for a couple weeks now. I cleaned my apartment (aka – hired a maid to clean it, but same diff), I organized all the papers in my desk, paid bills, had coffee and drinks with many friends and have almost completely caught up on my Bravo shows. You know what I definitely have NOT been doing? Exercising. Eating healthy. Brushing Honey, which has enabled her fur to effectively take over our apartment.

BTW – did you know that there are people out there who will knit things from dog fur?? If I could do that and/or if those items were things that I thought people would actually buy, I would be a millionaire. Or at least I wouldn’t have to spend money on Christmas gifts ever again. Somehow though, I don’t see my family being very excited about receiving yet another doggy fur ball necklace. Except that I would totally guilt them into it, saying, “You know that my DOG gave up her fur coat JUST FOR YOU? And she is gonna be SO DISAPPOINTED if you’re not wearing it ALL WEEKEND.”

But I digress. My point is, that in keeping with the theme of not exercising or eating healthily I made these blondies. They are delicious. They are easy to make which means almost no calories were burned in the process. And they are made from butter and sugar, meaning the most possible calories were consumed. Winner, winner.

Continue Reading →

Cream Cheese Stuff

This is so simple I’m not going to even post a recipe. It would be right up there in the ranks of “Dark Chocolate as Snack” on the Food Network site. Here’s what you do: take a block of cream cheese, and pour jam over it. Spread on crackers. Done and done. BEST PICNIC FOOD EVER. People will think you are a genius. You will also think you’re a genius, and will pat yourself on the back until you realize that your entire dinner consisted of cream cheese, crackers, jam and wine and now you have the worse stomach ache ever. So basically, this stuff is awesome, but don’t be a pig like me. Words to live by.

BTW – apparently the people at Food Network have no sense of humor and/or the good sense to not post stupid recipes, so they have restricted access to “Dark Chocolate as a Snack”. Because of course, all the serious cooks that actually have a Food Network account will want access to the recipe that has 1 ingredient and no actual instructions. The comments are still visible, which is really the best part of those moronic recipes anyway. If you want to see the original page, go here.

You Almost Look Dead

Confession: I saw “The Jerk” for the first time two nights ago. I don’t know why it took me so long. I’m a little ashamed. The above clip almost made me pee my pants. True Fact.

Confession #2: I really appreciate all of you that read my blog. I know I’ve only had it for 3 months, but it feels more like 5 1/2 months.

The first post felt like 5 posts. And the second post seemed like 7 posts. And the 3rd posts seemed like 5 posts again…

Off The Road Again

I am finally back in Los Angeles. This means of course, that I have once again made the 2,500 mile trip on I-40. It’s going to take me a while to fully unpack or to feel the desire to ever get in my car again or to feel motivated enough to make an even an omelet, but until that happens here are some highlights from our trip:

We stopped in Nashville to see a friend on the way out and had lunch at Fido, since that sounded like it would be at least a little dog friendly. I ordered an ice coffee that had “mojito” in the name and came adorned with fresh basil (YUUUUMMMM). Chase, who never, ever drinks hot coffee and will only drink iced coffee, even in the dead of winter, decided that on a day when it is over 80 degrees and we are sitting outside that he should order a hot drink. Makes total sense. I stared at him strangely for a good 10 minutes after that.

I debated between two different salads on the menu and finally went with The Big Chop Salad since it sounded like it came with more cheese. This is normally the basis for how I do all my ordering in restaurants. More cheese = better.

On day 2 we passed through Oklahoma and Texas, which I always remember because they have Taco Buenos. Taco Bueno seems like your standard fast-food Mexican, except they have vegetarian burritos that come with white rice instead of Mexican rice,  black beans (not refried!) and instead of your standard shredded cheddar they have a creamy Jack cheddar cheese sauce. I love that burrito so much I want to marry it. I have also taken to screaming “Taco Bueno!!” in my best Hispanic accent whenever we see a sign for one on the highway, which I’m sure after the 20th time Chase thinks is just adorable.

Take this photo and multiply it by 3 days, and that’s what Honey’s trip looked like. Actually, add in a few minutes of eating fast food burgers. That’s pretty much it.

The 3rd day finally got us to The Greatest Place On Earth: In-N-Out. My one true fast food love. Most people look at me weird when I say this since I don’t eat burgers, but let me tell you this: In-N-Out will make you a grilled cheese with GRILLED onions. It is awesome. And unlike other fast food establishments, I don’t have to explain to them in detail how to make a grilled cheese using the ingredients they have on hand. “See, you’re gonna act like you’re making a burger, but just leave out the meat. No? Okay, I’ll speak slower…”

Also, they have fries that haunt me in my dreams. After writing this I might actually have to treat myself to some more In-N-Out for lunch. Cause I am back in LA and there is one in my neighborhood.

It’s good to be home.

Peaches and Mascarpone Cream

It’s possible that I ate this for breakfast. I’m not confirming, but it might have happened. Probably it did. But it’s not the worst thing I couldn’t have eaten, right? Chocolate cake would be way worse. I mean, there were peaches. Peaches are fruit! Fruit is healthy! Even when it’s drowning in a rich mascarpone cream. True fact.

Let’s discuss other things that I may have eaten for breakfast in my life. Apple cobbler (fruit!), chocolate pecan pie (nuts = protein), and there may have been one occassion of ice cream serving as my first meal of the day(cream is milk, right?). So in the grand scheme of things, I think this was the right decision. I stand by it. And that is totally not stopping me from eating this for dessert later. Or maybe even for lunch.

Continue Reading →

Where the Magic Happens

I’m not gonna say who exactly this reminds me of. All I’m gonna say is I have met this woman a million times growing up in NC. Except she probably smoked cigarettes. And had a deep fryer on her counter. We may or may not have shared DNA. Don’t judge.

Pants McGee

I apologize for being a little MIA. Things have been a bit distracting, but I assure you it won’t be that way much longer. However, I wanted to tell you about the following conversation Chase and I had the other day:

Chase: What’s the name of the song that guy sings?

Me: I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to specify just a bit more.

Chase: You know, that rapper. It’s like Pants McGee or something.

Me (trying not to choke on my food): Say that again? You think there’s a rapper out there named “Pants McGee”??

Chase: Yeah, it’s that guy. Oh yeah, Puff Daddy!

Me (succumbing to choking): You thought Puff Daddy’s name was PANTS MCGEE?! I feel like I don’t even know who I’m married to…

Chase: Well he changes his name so much, how am I supposed to keep up?

Take this as a warning to all of you rappers out there that are thinking of changing your name: Inevitably you will have well-meaning-but-so-not-hip citizens calling you Pants McGee. You might want to reconsider.