Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and/or Festivus for the Rest of Us.
If I left something out, please don’t be offended. It’s Christmas, after all
I’m finally home for Xmas. “Home” being Asheville, North Carolina where I grew up. It’s cold and cloudy, the tree is up and decorated, and my stepfather and I are arguing about the absurd lack of heat in his house. And about whether or not organic produce is worth the cost. We’re tiptoeing around the subject of politics. In other words, it’s the exact same as when I was a growing up, only now I live in California so he probably feels like I’ve been brainwashed and obviously have even less reason to validate my opinion.
That all being said, I love being home for the holidays. I can catch up with family and friends that seem a billion miles away during most of the year, and I can gorge myself on fattening food and not feel one speck of guilt for it. Eggnog is on my must-have list for this year. Although it is one of my favorite Christmas treats, I am highly weirded out by recipes that have raw eggs. Sorry, I understand that people have been eating it for years and it’s perfectly fine to eat, but I’m just not going to do it. I also refuse to drink the stuff you buy in cartons at the supermarket. You might as well suggest that I buy cartons of “egg product” for my omelets as opposed to actual eggs. In that case I would prefer to go without, thankyouverymuch.
This recipe is DA BOMB. And as my gift for this year you will kindly not make fun of me for using that phrase. Please and thank you. But seriously, this takes just a few minutes to make, it’s doesn’t have any raw eggs, and tastes like the most delicious, creamy alcoholic (optionally non-alcoholic) beverage you have ever had. And if anyone manages to calculate the calorie count for this, you will kindly NOT share that info. With anyone. Ever.
Have you seen this? No, seriously, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS??
Okay, there are like a gazillion hits, so you probably have seen it, but if not, WATCH IT NOW! Seriously, it could save your life. Well, not really, but it will make you laugh a lot, and that could increase your life. Same thing, really.
I found a recipe on Pinterest for strawberry hot chocolate and was like, “Oh shit that sounds awesome!” until I went to the website and saw that all they did was take strawberry ice cream and heat it up over an oven. In addition to sounding disgusting I also consider it a total cop-out of an excuse for a recipe. I mean, I’m all about easy recipes that don’t take a long time, but seriously? If the entire thing is one ingredient and the only step is to “heat it up” then it is not worthy of its own space on the internet. It’s like when I try to google “spiced eggnog” and the top three recipes have “eggnog” as an ingredient. And they tell you to add cinnamon to it. Really? Thanks for the tip, douche-canoe.
Sorry, the point that I’m trying to get to is that I still thought strawberry hot chocolate sounded awesome but I was absolutely not going to heat up ice cream on the principle that that is fucking stupid. So, I made this instead. And you know what? It tastes just like warm, creamy, melted strawberry ice cream. Only a lot better. Cause I said so.
There is perhaps nothing greater in this world than Trader Joe’s during the holidays. I’m not going to tell you how much of these two samplings I’ve eaten so far. Chase has already informed me that it would be prudent to stock up on the cookie butter while it’s here, otherwise I may have to deal with him whining the rest of the year.
If you aren’t watching this show – GET ON IT. Unless you hate shows with murder, foul language or suspense. I am hopelessly addicted to all of the above so I AM IN LOVE.
Also – if you tell me anything that happens in season 6 I will cut you. Seriously – there’s got to be special place in hell for people that spoil plot points.
I am on a brussels sprouts obsession, something that Chase is not excited about, especially because our apartment is beginning to develop a permanently odd smell. But hey, I bought him cookie butter so he can deal with it.
I made this samoas bark for my friend Daniel, who has been trying to guilt me into baking him cookies for months based on the fact that he’s reluctantly serving in the military right now. (a cause that is certainly not unworthy) After receiving my umpteenth “Stop hating the troops” text I finally melted some chocolate and sprinkled it with lots of goodness, which earned me the text of “May a thousand veterans send you a puppy”. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but I’ll take it.
I resigned myself early on in our co-habitation that Chase was more likely to reveal himself to be a werewolf than change a roll of toilet paper, but there’s another menial household chore that is absolutely driving me nuts.
Common conversation in our house:
Me: Is there a reason you put the empty tea jug next to the recycling bin, as opposed to in it?
Chase: Because it’s large and fills it up quickly.
Me: Okay…but if it fills up then you just take it out, right?
Chase: But I won’t have to do it as often if I don’t put the jug in there.
Me: Ummm…but see the point of having a bin is so that we DON’T have trash lying around on the floor like bums. And it’s not like there’s a maximum amount of times we can take the trash out. I’m pretty sure we can even do it multiple times a day if necessary.
(Chase has by now put is headphones back on in order to make it go away)
Another common conversation:
Me: Is there a reason you put the tea jug next to the recycling bin, as opposed to in it?
(Honestly, you have no idea how much Arizona tea that boy drinks, and I have yet to ever see the stupid jug go INTO the bin)
Chase: Because it’s full and wouldn’t fit.
Me: Well, why wouldn’t you just take the recycling out then? That’s what normally happens when a bin is full.
Chase: I’ll do it later.
Me: I think you and I have different definitions of “later”. See, I think it means “in the foreseeable future” and you seem to think it means “I will put this off for as long as possible until someone else (Caroline) does it for me”.
Chase: I’ll do it later.
Me: Please clarify when “later” is.
Me: Are you going to forget about this conversation in the next 5 minutes?
Me: So my choices are to take out the recycling myself, or resort to becoming an annoying, nagging wife? Either way I feel like I lose…
Chase: Which means I win. Winning!!