Monthly Archives: January 2012

You are browsing the site archives by month.

You. Guys. Rock.

To everyone that wrote me a comment yesterday – thank you. It lifted me up in ways that I never thought the opinions of total strangers could do.

And to everyone that keeps coming back time and again to read my ramblings – thank you. Whether you come to mock or enjoy my posts, I appreciate you taking time to visit.

I tried really hard to draw a heart to show my appreciation, but all I ended up with were a bunch of reminders of why I don’t like to draw. BUT I DID IT ALL FOR YOU.

Seriously though – xoxoxoxoxoxox

A Response

Yesterday a woman left a comment calling me distasteful for writing so many posts depicting Chase and I fighting with each other, and like any mature blogger I went on a Twitter rant, duh. (okay, it was only 4 tweets but that’s an insane amount of Tweeting for me). After I got it out of my system, I finally started wondering why such a stupid comment had me riled up, and I had to admit that the perception that Chase and I are constantly at each other’s throats is not entirely unfounded based on some things I’ve written. However, it is also completely inaccurate to our reality and although I know you’re not supposed to feed the trolls, I want to respond anyway.

The truth is, Chase and I hardly ever fight and most of that time we spend together not fighting just isn’t interesting to write about. Want to know what we did this Saturday? We cuddled on the couch and watched movies all day. I am already getting bored and tired of myself just writing that one sentence. I tried to think of something I could do to make that day seem funny, unique, or interesting and I couldn’t.  Watching “The Help” in my pajamas on a Saturday afternoon while eating potato chips just isn’t going to be good material, which is truly unfortunate because if it was I would have A LOT more to write about.

I think I tend to write about imperfect moments in our lives because that’s what I enjoy reading in other blogs. Not because I want to read about other people’s misfortunes, but because I like to know that we aren’t alone. If I go on Facebook all I see are smiling faces and perfect couples holding hands and looking perfect all the time, and I want to know that we aren’t the only peope to bicker over ridiculous things like dusting the living room. Writing about these moments forces me to laugh at my own imperfections. It makes it impossible for me to stay mad or hold a grudge, and even with hosting fees, this blog is way, way, cheaper than any therapy I could have.

So yes, we do fight. But not as much as this little blog might lead you to believe. And yes, I enjoy writing as a way to find humor in those little moments that might otherwise be anything but humorous. And if you think that I’m distasteful and probably a pain in the ass to be married to, YOU MIGHT VERY WELL BE RIGHT. But you’re not married to me, and the only opinion I really care about is the person who is.

And he almost never reads this blog so that pretty much gives me the all-clear for anything. Ba-zing!

30 Day Schedule – It Begins

I honestly had no intention of writing about this 30-day cleaning schedule until I had actually tried it, because just saying “Hey, I want to be an adult and clean stuff more than once a month” really isn’t newsworthy, but then Chase pitched such a fit over being forced to change his normal cleaning schedule (the non-existent one) and so it suddenly became an EVENT in our home which gives you a good idea of how low the bar has been placed. And yes, I have started a romance with run-on sentences and it’s going just fine, thankyouverymuch.

A little background: yesterday I saw this post about how to keep your kitchen clean in only 20 minutes a day, and that post had a link to how to keep your entire home clean in 20 minutes a day. And since I have lots of free time at my job am super excited about cleaning my apartment, I put together a little chart so that Chase and I could keep our kitchen AND home clean in only 20 minutes a day (if the two of us work together – this is a key assumption).

BTW – if you’re following along at home you can download my 30 Day Schedule chart that I adapted from Sarah Rae Trover. I made some changes to accommodate for the overlap of kitchen cleaning steps, but it should still do the trick.

To give you an idea of how this went, here are a couple of snippets of the conversation we had:

Me: All we have to do for Day 1 in the kitchen is wipe down the fronts of appliances.

Chase: Wipe down the appliances? That isn’t going to get them clean, you’re just pushing the dust around and into cracks, you have to use a wet cloth or something.

Me: Where does it say you can’t use a wet cloth?

Chase: Do you realize how many appliances we have? It’s going to take A LOT LONGER than 20 minutes.

Me: We have a stove, refrigerator, toaster oven, and a dishwasher. How is that going to take 20 minutes?

Chase: What about all the electronics? The TV, cable box…

Me: This is the kitchen appliances only.

Chase: Oh. When do we clean all the electronics?

Me: I don’t think electronics are on the schedule.

Chase: Then this is stupid. It obviously doesn’t do a good job.

Me: When you have come up with your own 30-day cleaning schedule I will be happy to compare the two.

A few minutes later

Chase: We have to clean the whole living room in 20 minutes?? And we have to DUST? It’ll take at least an hour if we have to dust everything.

(I am not making this up)

Me: AN HOUR??? What do you do when you dust?!? You realize I’m only talking about OUR living room, right? Not the living rooms of everyone on our block.

Since dusting the living room was more than Chase could handle, I gave him the kitchen task of wiping down the appliances, which he did at the slowest pace possible so that he could prove to me that this 20-minute model was a ridiculous idea and we should give up now.

Which is probably why we finished everything with 7 minutes left on the timer.

30-Day Schedule: 1    Chase: 0

 

Beignets!

I swear to God, I am going to stop writing and tweeting about beignets. After this post of course. I’m obviously not calling this a “recipe” since I just added water to a boxed mix, so let’s just say this is an illustrated version of the instructions on the back of the box.

1) Buy Cafe Du Monde beignet mix. I’m not sure if there are even other beignet mixes available, but I will go ahead and state with confidence that they ARE NOT AS GOOD as Cafe Du Monde’s. The design has not changed on this box I was 5 years old and my stepfather would make me these heavenly doughnuts on the weekends. Fact – when your product is good you don’t need to fool around with graphic designers or new-fangled modern fonts.

2) For every 2 cups of mix add 7 fluid ounces of water. Mix together, and then roll out to 1/8 of an inch thick. You will need a lot of flour to keep the dough from sticking to freaking EVERYTHING.

(okay that’s a few steps in one but I forgot to take a picture of the dough being mixed – my bad!)

3) Slice the dough into little squares. I try to stick to a rough 2″ x 2″ size, but don’t get too scientific about this. Hot oil does not discriminate against poorly shaped dough.

4) Meanwhile, heat some oil in a pan to 370 degrees F. You’ll want at least an inch of oil in there, so the dough can fry properly without hitting the bottom of the pan. Drop the little squares into the oil, and flip once they begin to turn brown. This takes about 30 – 60 seconds on each side, so don’t wander away while they’re cooking!

5) Once the beignets are cooked, transfer to a plate lined with paper towels. Sprinkle with lots of powdered sugar.

6) OPTIONAL – scramble some eggs while the beignets are cooking. If necessary, bribe a friend so they’ll help you. (beignets are really great things to bribe with)

7) EAT THE BEST BREAKFAST EVER KNOWN TO MAN. (it’s best to not make any major plans for the rest of the day. The couch is gonna look awfully comfy when you’re done)

Quinoa Pudding

Dear Body of Mine,

As you may have heard, I made plans to make beignets this weekend. I know that you are a little concerned about this, since I’ve started going to the gym regularly and have been eating far more healthy foods than usual and you might be wondering if all of that hard work will be for naught when I stuff myself with a huge pile of fried doughy goodness.

However, I want to assure you that I still have your best interests at heart. Since the weather insists on being 75 degrees in Los Angeles year-round I understand that you are often a little self conscious when you can’t hide behind a big baggie sweater and are stuck in skimpy tank tops instead. (BTW – you probably shouldn’t complain about this too loudly, especially around people who live in Michigan) But please know your concerns have been heard.

I present to you this Quinoa Pudding. Packed with tons of super duper healthy quinoa, this will help to keep you full and balance out all that fried oil you are going to be hit with later. And yes, I know it tastes slightly sweet and might cause you to think that it’s a little too dessert-like, but I promise all that nutrition is actually there.

So, do we have a good deal here? I will give you healthy/yummy Quinoa Pudding, and you will let me eat beignets to my heart’s content without going all flabby in the following 24 hrs. Honestly, I think we both win here, don’t you?

Continue Reading →

It’s Like Shooting Drunk, Slutty Fish In A Barrel

I’m sorry if this post doesn’t live up to it’s title. But when I was telling the story of how my car got towed to my friend Marie this is what she said to describe how easy it is to find cars to tow in Hollywood. And I have to make sure I don’t forget that phrase.

But the point is – my car got towed this weekend. Major bummer. See, Marie lives in Hollywood near the Pantages Theater, also known as “the neighborhood that laughs at anyone who thinks they’re going to find a parking space on a Friday night unless they want to shell out $20 bucks for a spot in a sketchy parking lot”. And sometimes I’m not even convinced that those parking lots are for real. I have a suspicion that some of them are vacant lots that homeless people stand at the entrance of and say you have to give them cash to park there. But if that’s true then they are really smart homeless people. Probably smart enough not to be homeless. Let’s face it, that homeless guy probably has a nicer house than me.

The point, again, is – Chase and I had been driving in circles trying to find a spot when “hallelujah!” we found one. It was a teeny tiny spot on a crowded block but I was totally able to fit my car in and so we parked and went on our merry way to Marie’s house.

Fast forward 4 hours later – after having a perfectly wonderful evening with friends and vodka (but not too much cause drinking & driving is stupid, duh), we walked back to a COMPLETELY EMPTY BLOCK. Like, not one car in sight. Most importantly, MY car was not in sight.  On closer inspection of the parking sign we realized that there was no parking from 11PM – 6AM, cause obviously those parked cars were going to cause the empty church and vacant lots a TON of problems at that hour, and, *joy* – it was also a tow-away zone.

I’ll spare you the details of me locating my car at that hour, suffice to say it involved dialing multiple numbers that were out of service (I ♥ LA!) and finally speaking to an especially friendly woman at the tow company that is open 24 hours “for my convenience”. I wanted to tell her that if they were really concerned with my convenience they would have left my car on the street where I wanted it, but I try not to mess with people that are holding my possessions for ransom.

The bright spot of the night – when I was being driven to my car at the lot, I saw a charred up vehicle and was all “OMG, is that one of the cars from the arsons over the holidays??”, and the guy was like, “oh that’s nothing, we have 10 more on the upper level,” and sure enough, there was an entire row of burned up vehicles which as I’m writing this I realize it would’ve been really cool if I had a photo but I don’t so instead I present to you this run on sentence. You’re welcome. I don’t get excited about seeing celebrities, but show me a bunch of cars that were recently in the news for being set on fire and suddenly I’m all starstruck.

So, it really wasn’t a bad night after all. But in hindsight I would have preferred to scale the fence to see those cars then pay the fee to get mine back. Live and learn. And read parking signs REALLY carefully.

Cooper

This weekend was pretty darn good. Except when it wasn’t. More on that later, but for now I’m just trying to ease back into the week by looking at pictures of this little guy. Cause he is super adorable and allows me to forget the pile of unanswered emails that I have. And yes, I realize that emails don’t form an actual “pile” but I’m trying to be dramatic, so just let me have that one, okay? Please and thank you.

Of course, what you can’t see are all the photos I have of him continuously trying to stick things in his mouth, which I guess babies do sometimes, but it really isn’t all that cute for photos. Except when it is. Then, holy moly is it presh.

Smoked Salmon Breakfast Stacks

It’s Resolutions time people! Now, some of you out there (Chase) might be against New Year’s Resolutions because you believe that they are never achieved and are therefore a waste of time. I think that you just don’t know how to make the right kinds of resolutions. There are a couple of things to consider:

1) It needs to be something that is totally within your control (yeah, I would totally love to land a job as Ryan Gosling’s sex slave assistant but damn if he won’t return my phone calls)

2) It needs to be something you kinda sorta actually want to do. See, if all you say is “I want to eat healthier” that is first of all really obvious and also gives the impression that you are going to have make some crazy changes to your diet, which can sound scary and induce ice cream cravings. But if you say, “I want to eat fruit at least once a day” then all you have to do is focus on the fact that you just need to eat some strawberries or maybe a mango, which is totally not scary at all. And what do you know, suddenly you’re eating healthier and you didn’t even see it coming.

Also – a lot of this is a mental game so it’s more important that you succeed at small goals than fail at large ones. If you want to start going to the gym, give yourself the goal of going at least 1-2 times a week. Then when you go 4 times, you’ll feel like a total badass, and being a badass can really up your motivation to keep it going. And when you have a crazy schedule and only make it once you won’t feel like a total failure. Cause failure is what makes me decide to stay on the couch and watch Sister Wives marathons instead of putting on my sneakers.

That all being said, here’s my list of goals for 2012:

1) Read at least 1 non-fiction book a month. This was also my resolution last year and I totally kept it. It gave me an awesome excuse to chill on the couch during the weekends, and I am way smarter now. Fo shizzle.

2) Cook with dried beans once a month. Sorry if this seems uber random, but cooking dried beans is just not my thing. Until I actually eat beans that did not come from a can, and then suddenly dried beans seem super awesome. This year I’m determined to make cooking them not-scary.

3) Go hiking every weekend, weather and travel schedule permitting. Basically, if I’m in LA and it’s not actively raining, I’m doing this. Runyon Canyon – we’re about to be BFFs.

4) Cook more varieties of breakfast foods. Cause I have made scrambled eggs and grits one too many times. And breakfast has so many delicious possibilities.

Take  this smoked salmon stack as an example. When I first ate this in a restaurant it had poached eggs on top, which is probably prettier, but I am a huge fried egg fan and still haven’t gotten the guts to take on poached eggs. This would really work with any style of eggs you prefer, and this couldn’t be any simpler to assemble. Seriously, you just grate some potato, fry them in a pan, top with smoked salmon and then some eggs. Voila! See – my resolutions are off to a fabulous start!

What are your resolutions for the year?

Continue Reading →

Happy New Year!

Welcome back! Because I am a total space cadet when traveling, I kept forgetting to share some of these videos on my trip home, so here they are now. Consider them my bucket of randomness to welcome in 2012.

First off, this is my friends’ cat, that she taught how to open a freakin jar. So it could then pick up treats and put them in its mouth. Even if you aren’t on some sort of mood altering substance while watching, this is pretty dang cool.

My dad is a pilot. And he’s retired. So by law, he now has to buy his own plane and then tell us it’s his new “toy”.  As of this moment I am the only daughter that hasn’t flown in the Yak (that’s what it’s actually called), mainly because I’m all “I have seen how you drive and that is thrill enough” but Chase doesn’t know any better so he went up with him. He says it was “freakin awesome” but I’m pretty sure he’s lying or doesn’t totally understand that the effects of gravity can be lethal, so I stayed on the ground and played Gem Drop instead. And I made it to like level 20 so you can all guess whose adrenaline rush was higher.

This video is kinda boring. Unless you’re a guy. This is a stealth bomber (right?) that flew over us while watching the Rose Parade, which is something I wouldn’t be normally be super psyched to watch, but everyone else around me seem to think this was amazing. So…here it is. React however you want…

And you remember this right?

Well…my Feast of the Seven Fishes totally happened.

And Aunt Sara came.

With gifts.

That were half frozen.

Seriously, I love her.

Alright, 2012. Let’s do this.