Cream Cheese Stuff

This is so simple I’m not going to even post a recipe. It would be right up there in the ranks of “Dark Chocolate as Snack” on the Food Network site. Here’s what you do: take a block of cream cheese, and pour jam over it. Spread on crackers. Done and done. BEST PICNIC FOOD EVER. People will think you are a genius. You will also think you’re a genius, and will pat yourself on the back until you realize that your entire dinner consisted of cream cheese, crackers, jam and wine and now you have the worse stomach ache ever. So basically, this stuff is awesome, but don’t be a pig like me. Words to live by.

BTW – apparently the people at Food Network have no sense of humor and/or the good sense to not post stupid recipes, so they have restricted access to “Dark Chocolate as a Snack”. Because of course, all the serious cooks that actually have a Food Network account will want access to the recipe that has 1 ingredient and no actual instructions. The comments are still visible, which is really the best part of those moronic recipes anyway. If you want to see the original page, go here.

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5 Thoughts on “Cream Cheese Stuff

  1. so true. the best superbowl party snack i ever made was a block of cream cheese with jalapeno jelly and pretzel rolls. people devoured it:

  2. WAIT. I actually just spent like 10 minutes of my life reading the first 4 pages of comments on that dark chocolate “recipe,” and I am dying. Are people actually this funny??? In a way, this gives me a new perspective on life.

  3. “I accidentally had this for a meal instead of a snack. Am I going to die?”
    Dying. Crippled with laughter.

  4. Jam and cream cheese is good, but have you tried cream cheese and salsa with ritz crackers? If not, don’t do it. You’ll eat the whole thing. I did anyway. Can’t look a Ritz in the eye now.

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