This song seems to be perfectly summing up my recent mood. The obvious answer is because it is freaking cold here and oh my god why did we decide to move out of LA during the winter??? It could also be that I feel I’m on a search for stability and comfort that continues to elude me.
I’m only now realizing the level of my naiveté in handling this move. Ever since we moved to California over five years ago a part of me has pined for North Carolina. I missed the mountains, the laid back lifestyle, my family. I knew rationally that moving back would be difficult, but I believed wholeheartedly that part of me would immediately feel connected and content to be back in the town that I grew up in. Instead I feel isolated, overwhelmed and more than a little lost.
I have been astounded in the last couple weeks by all the things I don’t know, and didn’t plan for. One thing I am certain of is that I do not know where this journey will take us. Perhaps in a few months the weather will be better, this house will feel like home and we’ll be hosting parties for all the new friends we’ve made. Perhaps we will do some work on the home and then decide our journey is taking us onto a new place, a new adventure. Perhaps we will simply throw up our hands and run screaming from here back to the comforts of California.
For now though, it is safe to say that I am stuck in colder weather and hoping tomorrow will be better. And I am hoping most of all that tomorrow comes soon.
Thanks for reading. xoxo