The B*tch I Live With

Honey has taken to scratching to be let out about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off, which is arguably the worst time to wake me up. It’s too late for me to actually go back to sleep, but too early that I should go ahead and get up.

Every time this happens I have to control my urge to throw things at her. Like a pillow, or my shoe or maybe the table lamp. I also have to bite my tongue so that I don’t go into an angry rant along the lines of:

“You know, some of us WORK in this household! Some of us aren’t able to just lie around the house all day, not pulling their weight! Who, exactly, do you think buys your food?? I DO!! I work SO HARD just so that you can live a comfortable life and you can’t even do me the favor of BEING QUIET FOR 30 MINUTES while I’m trying to sleep?!?”

I, of course, do not say any of this out loud because my stepfather Henry would think I was weird. (Chase wouldn’t bat an eye) And because Honey would probably figure out a way to flip me the doggie finger, and then I would have to kill her.

For just one day, I want to be able to lie around and do nothing. I want my main concern to be, “where am I going to sleep once the sun becomes to hot?” I want someone else to prepare and bring me all of my food.

In short, I want to be one of my pets. For just a day.

What a bitch.

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9 Thoughts on “The B*tch I Live With

  1. Tere Payne on June 8, 2011 at said:

    You’re killing me, girl. Just so you know, you’ll probably want to say that to your teenagers one day, too.

  2. Caroline on June 8, 2011 at said:

    haha, that is probably true!

  3. I hear you.. since my pets have pretty much the same routine as yours… to come back as them and in my house.

  4. Ahaha wouldn’t life be so easy to be a pet? Just do what you want all day, get fed, and be loved unconditionally?? Awesome.

  5. Just found your blog linked here from Honey and Jam. Pretty friggin funny stuff lady. Love the lazy dog!

  6. Stacey on June 10, 2011 at said:

    Aw, hi! I loved you guys at Cozy Kitchen! Spent today getting caught up on Pink Basil! Love it! This is tooo funny…. I have 2 black lab pups and can totallllllly relate.

  7. I hear you on this one. Every now and then, I’m sans poodle for a day or two, and it is rather glorious to not have to get out of bed. But then when i do get out of bed, I’m sad that my apartment is empty. You just can’t win. I do, however, on a regular basis tell the poodle he needs a freakin job. Just sayin, for someone who needs rigorous and frequent grooming, I feel he should contribute to the house in some way other than just being cute.

  8. haha I know what you mean! my dog just lazes around. and as for my kids, they just sleep and play and eat – must be nice!

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